Bagels

This is my new favorite thing.

Okay, let's be honest: I have a lot of favorite things, and most of them are food (or drink). But making bagels really is one of my favorites.

They're just plain fun to make. Oh, and the fact that they make your house smell like a bakery?

Get outta here.

Why, someone may ask, would a person go through the trouble of making bagels when one could simply buy them at the store? (Besides the fact that it's fun!) Yes, it takes a little time and effort. So here's the rationale (this may sound familiar):

1. No unpronounceable ingredients, no preservatives. Just real food.

2. BIG cost savings. Buying 12 bagels at the grocery store can easily run upwards of $6, and forget about bakery-fresh ones. But making them yourself? You can make a dozen for - wait for it - less than $1.

Yes. I did the math. $1.

(Cream cheese not included.)

3. They taste Uh. May. Zing.

So, in summary, real food that tastes better and costs less. Who would say no to that?

Bagels
Adapted from here and here
Yield: 8 to 12 bagels
Total time: about 3 hours

For the dough, you'll need:
1 1/2 c warm water
1 T dry active yeast
1 T brown sugar
2 T honey
2 t salt
4 c flour


For the water bath, you'll need:
about 1 qt water
2 T brown sugar
1 T sugar

For topping you'll need:
1 egg white
1 T water
cinnamon sugar, coarse salt, poppy seeds, etc. for optional toppings

Put the 1 1/2 cups warm water in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Let it stand for 2-3 minutes so the yeast can bloom. Next, add the brown sugar, honey, salt, and flour. Using the dough hook attachment, mix on low for a minute or two until well mixed.

Pause, scrape the sides with a spatula, and then turn the mixer on medium-low and allow it to knead the dough for 10 minutes. The dough will be sticky but smooth and elastic.

(Note: If you don't have a stand mixer, you can easily do the first phase of the mixing with a sturdy hand mixer on low speed, transfer the dough to a floured surface, and knead it by hand. However... Oy, what a workout!)

Oil (or spray with nonstick cooking spray) a large bowl. Place the dough in the bowl, turning once to coat the dough with oil. Cover with a towel and allow the dough to rise for an hour and a half (90 minutes).

The dough should double in size.

Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and divide it into 8 to 12 pieces. Decide what you want to end up with: 12 smallish bagels, 10 medium bagels, or 8 large bagels. Just try to make them all the same size so they'll bake evenly. Form each piece into a ball. I do this by folding all the corners underneath and pinching them together.

Space the dough balls out on the floured surface (they're going to rise some more) and cover with a towel for about 30 more minutes. These...

... will now look like this.

During that time, prepare the water bath by placing the water, sugar, and brown sugar in a large, wide sauté pan, sauce pan, or wok and bring it to a steady simmer.

During this time, you should also prepare your baking sheets by laying parchment paper on them or lightly greasing them. If you're making 8 bagels, you may be able to crowd them onto one baking sheet, but for any more, spread them out over two sheets. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

When the 30 minutes are up and your water is simmering, it's time to shape bagels. Flour your fingers and then gently poke a hole in the middle of the dough. Without crushing the dough, gently pull the dough outward to stretch the hole to about 1.5-2 inches in diameter.

Then place it gently in the water bath. (Please don't splash yourself with hot water.) Add another bagel or two to the water bath (whatever will fit in your pan) and simmer for about 2 minutes.

The bagels should puff up a bit. Flip them over gently (don't splash!) and simmer about 1 more minute.

Remove the bagels to your prepared baking sheets, and repeat with the rest of you bagels, working in batches.

Finally, beat together the egg white and water and brush lightly over the bagels. Then sprinkle them with any toppings you wish, like poppy seeds or cinnamon sugar.

At last: time to bake! If you made 10-12 smaller bagels, bake them for 18-22 minutes; for larger bagels, add 3-4 minutes. If your oven has hot spots, be sure to rotate the pans so you don't burn the bottoms.

And now that your house smells like a New York bagel shop, I double dare you not to immediately rip into one of these. But seriously, cool them on racks for at least 5 minutes before slicing.

Store in a sealed container at room temperature for up to a week, or slice, seal in something airtight, and freeze. (None of ours have ever made it to the freezer.)

The Bug says... "Mmm... Bay-bels!"

Better Than Shake 'N Bake Breaded Pork Chops

Ah, pork. The other white meat. That versatile and flavorful protein. What's better than a classic oven-baked breaded pork chop just like mom used to make, with that bag full of breading from the prepared foods aisle?

I can tell you what's better: making your OWN breading.

Once again, making it yourself vs. buying a pre-made mix saves you a bunch of money AND delivers WAY. MORE. FLAVOR. Why pay four times as much for someone else to stir together your flour and spices? Trust me, the flavor here is more than worth the, oh, two extra minutes that it'll take you to prepare it.

The recipe is for the breading, which can be used on any type of pork chops (thin cut, thick cut, bone-in, boneless, sliced pork loin...) and can be easily scaled up or down to make more or fewer chops.

Better Than Shake 'N Bake Breaded Pork Chops
From: My mother-in-law, Carol
Makes enough breading for 4-5 thin or boneless pork chops OR 3-4 thick cut or bone-in chops

You'll need:
1/4 c yellow cornmeal
1/4 c flour
2 t dried sage
1 t salt
1 t sugar
1 t paprika
about 1/4 c milk
(and, of course, pork chops)

So simple, right?

First, preheat your oven to 425 degrees. Second, trim any excess fat off your pork chops. Next, measure the cornmeal, flour, sage, salt, sugar, and paprika into a gallon-size plastic bag.

Hold the top closed and shake to mix.

Pour your milk into a shallow bowl and set up your breading station: chops, milk, bag of breading mix, and an appropriately sized baking dish that's lightly coated with nonstick cooking spray.

Taking one pork chop at a time, dip it in the milk, wetting every side...

... and drop into the bag, and (holding the top of the bag closed) shake, shake, shake!

Pull the chop out, place it on the baking dish, and repeat with the remaining chops.

Look how perfectly the coating adheres.

Bake at 425 degrees for about 20-25 minutes. Note: If you use thick-cut, thin-cut, or other abnormally sized chops, please adjust your cooking time.

(Those black spots? I use bone-in chops so sometimes the bone gets discolored in the oven. Don't worry. I wasn't planning to eat the bone anyway.)

And there you have it. Better flavor that only costs you about 1-2 more minutes than the store-bought stuff, and saves money in the process.

I love to serve them with green beans, applesauce, and baking powder biscuits.

Buttercream Icing

This is the follow-up recipe to last week's chocolate buttercream icing. More real food, brought to you by a half-dozen ingredients and whipped together in about three minutes. 

This is no-fail, works-every-time, perfect-for-dying-and-frosting, eat-by-the-spoonful, real buttercream. 

You can dye the white frosting with traditional liquid drops to achieve beautiful pastel colors...

... or buy the food coloring gels for those intense primary colors.

Buttercream Decorating Icing

From: My mother-in-law, Carol

Makes: 3 c. (which is plenty to ice and decorate an entire cake. Carol also says that half a recipe will ice 24 cupcakes.)

You'll need:

1/2 c butter, softened

1/2 c shortening

1 t vanilla

1/8 t salt

1 lb (4 c) confectioner's (powdered) sugar

3 T milk

Cream the butter and shortening: beat them together on medium speed until well combined and fluffy. Add the vanilla and salt. Beat in the powdered sugar and milk and beat at high speed until the icing is light and fluffy.

And ta-da. Better living through real food. Now go eat your cake.

Chocolate Buttercream Icing

In case my position wasn't clear, I'm a big fan of real food. I'm not adamant to the point of madness. I'm not on a crusade against processed foods. I still love Cheetos and Diet Mountain Dew. But I do believe that making as much of your food as you can from real ingredients (1) is better for you and (2) just plain tastes better. One of the best examples? Buttercream frosting.

Now. I'm not trying to brag, because I didn't come up with this recipe myself. But I have only tasted frosting better than mine a few times in my life. I'm perfectly serious. That stuff on the grocery-store-bakery cake and in the jar on the shelf on the baking aisle simply cannot compare to real, homemade buttercream. For every birthday cake, I get rave reviews and people wanting to know my secret. There's no secret. Just real food.

That stuff in the jar? It contains preservatives, artificial flavors, and some stuff I can't even pronounce. This recipe? Five ingredients. And about five minutes. 

Real food. And seriously the best buttercream you've ever had.

(Also... I love decorating cakes.)  :)

Chocolate Buttercream Icing
From: Hershey (I believe the recipe was, at one time, printed on the baking cocoa label)
Makes: 3 cups (enough to generously frost a 9 x 13" cake OR two 8" or 9" round cakes)

You'll need:
6 T SOFT butter*
Cocoa: 1/3 c for light flavor
            1/2 c for medium flavor (this is what I usually use)
            3/4 c for dark flavor
2 2/3 c powdered sugar
1/3 c milk
1 t vanilla

*Softening the butter ahead of time is key. If your butter is melted, the texture will be off, and if your butter is cold, you'll get lumps of butter in your icing. Just set your butter on the counter for a few hours before you start.

Beat the butter on medium speed until fluffy.

Beat in the cocoa and powdered sugar alternately with milk, using only as much milk as necessary to get a nice spreading consistency. (I typically use all the milk because soft icing spreads easier.) Make a powdered sugar mess on your counter and on the dog who's lurking at your feet. Blend in vanilla.

Lick beaters. And spoon. And another spoon. And bowl.

 Use a silicone or metal spatula to spread icing onto your cake, cupcakes, or a graham cracker. (Try it!) Freeze your leftovers for another day. (That is, if you have any left over.) And for more fun with real food, check out my original buttercream icing recipe.

Enjoy!

Pizza Dough

This is a great recipe from my great friend, Chrissy. I use it for lots of varieties of pizza and calzones. Start to finish, it only takes about an hour, doesn't need to be kneaded (see what I did there?), and you don't need any special equipment - just measuring cups and a spoon.

It's nice and dense and always bakes great: crusty on the outside, soft on the inside.

Pizza Dough

Makes: 11x14" pizza OR 12" round pizza OR one large (family size) calzone OR 8 small calzones

You'll need:

2 t active dry yeast

1 c warm water

1 t sugar

1 t salt

2 T olive oil (or vegetable oil)

2 1/2 c flour

Dump the yeast into the warm water and let it stand for 5 minutes. Don't bother stirring, because it'll pretty much dissolve itself. After 5 minutes, it looks like this:

Stir in the sugar, salt, and oil...

... and add the flour last.

Just stir with that spoon until it comes together into a ball.

Cover the bowl with a towel and let it stand for 15-20 minutes. Time to shape the dough.

If you're using something other than a pizza stone or a good nonstick baking pan, you'll want to grease the pan. This dough is quite sticky. You can spread it by just pushing it around with the back of a metal spoon, or grease your fingers and stretch it by hand, but the best option by far is a silicone dough roller like this one from Pampered Chef. It'll roll out that dough for you in about 30 seconds.

Sometimes having a specialized tool is TOTALLY worth it.

After shaping the dough and topping your pizza or filling your calzone, bake it at 425 degrees for 15-18 minutes.

Tip: Put some cornmeal on your pizza stone or greased pizza pan/cookie sheet, then slide your rolled-out dough on top, for a great crunch to your pizza.